ADSL F

Prologue

Until this very day, I had an ISDN internet connection, which is the old way of having a fast internet, and is considered by today's standards to be quite slow. I needed this ISDN because it gives me also the ability to have a computerized answering machine which recognizes the people who call me (what's called "caller-id") and does funny things to them and to their messages. So I've a good answering machine but a horrible internet speed. A few days ago said speed got on my nerves and I decided to try and improve this, by installing an ADSL (fast-internet) connection over – not instead – over the current ISDN.
Quite simple, don't you think?

Part 1
We'll meet again…

The day before yesterday I called 199, Bezeq's service number. A nice operator answered me. I explained her, very clearly and thoroughtly, that I want to have ADSL without harming the old ISDN.
"Ah," said the operator. "I really don't know anything about this. Please hold the line."
I held.
For about ten minutes I had to listen to Bezeq's publicity song:
"With Bezeq Till We Meet (Again)…"
On the eleventh minute it occured to me that I could complete the song for them, while waiting, and I promptly did so:
"…don't know where, don't know when…"
"Hello?" said the operator, who chose that moment to get back on the line. "Are you there?"
"…Some sunny day," I said. "Oh. Yes. I'm here."
"Are you sure?"
"Ah," I said. "Yes. Quite."
"Riiight," said the operator. "So – you wanted to install ADSL over ISDN, yes?"
"Indeed."
"Very well. Go to BezeqStore tomorrow, give them your ID number, take an ADSL modem, and good luck! Will you require a technician for installation?"
"Are you sure that I just have to take a modem?" I asked.
"Yes, there's no problem. Do you want me to get a technician for you?"
"No, thanks. I can do it myself."
"Good day, then!"
This seemed quite efficient to me, and therefore, being of a generous spirit, I instantly forgave her those ten lost minutes.

Part 2
Some sunny day…

It was quite sunny outside next morning, yesterday, when I went on my bike (not the motorbike – my bicycle) to the nearest BezeqStore. I figured out it shouldn't take much time, and indeed, I had to wait only half an hour in line. I then gave them my ID number, and was asked to choose whether my new ADSL modem will connect by USB or by ethernet.
"USB, please," I said.
"Very well," said the clerk, had me sign on a form, gave me a modem and sent me home, where I found to my surprise that she's given me an ethernet modem.
Having no more time to spend, I took my bike (the motorbike, this time), stormed into the store and had them replace the modem within twenty seconds. Then I went to work.
When I returned, that afternoon, I installed the modem and called 911, to say that my modem is set up and that they should do whatever they do in their system in order to enable me to use ADSL.
"So we're moving you from ISDN to ADSL," said the operator (another one).
"No," I said. "I want ADSL over ISDN. I want my ISDN intact."
"Isn't that what I said?" she said.
"No."
"Ah," said the operator. "I really don't know anything about this. Please hold the line."
I held.
Ten minutes. We'll meet again. Some sunny day.
Fifteen minutes. Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn?
"Right," said the operator. "So you got the modem. So now you are waiting for the technician to come?"
"What technician?" I said. "I didn't ask for a technician."
"But if you want to have what you said you wanted to have," said the operator, who by now sure as hell didn't want to have anything, especially not a conversation with me, "you need to have a technician. In fact, you already asked for a technician yesterday, and there's a time set up for his visit."
"I did?" said I. "I definitely…" and then, understanding that this won't do any good, "so when is he coming?"
"Wednesday," said the operator.
"Ok," I said. "Just make sure that everybody knows that my ISDN remains."
"Sure. Oh, and one more thing: the technician will bring with him a new modem, and you'll have to return the one you took to the store."

Part 3
We don't need no education…

The technician entered my house today, bearing a smile and a modem. A short glance told me that said modem is exactly the same model that I took from the store.
"Right," said the technician and took a drill out of his bag. "Gimme 10 minutes, I'll get rid of that old ISDN thing…"
"You will do no such thing!" I said.
"But you wanted ADSL!"
"But I specifically asked for the ISDN to remain!"
"But nobody told me!"
I gave him a glass of water, to relax his nerves, and noisily drank the rest of the bottle myself.
"I need a different modem for this," said the technician.
"I know," I said. "That's what they told me yesterday."
"But nobody told…"
"Yes, yes," I said. "Look, just solve it for me, ok?"
To make a long story short – he did solve it. It involved going away to dig up stuff in a Bezeq storehouse, returning after an hour with the biggest modem I've ever seen, drilling 3 holes in my wall in order to screw said modem to it, and a considerable amount of cables.
"And next time," said the technician before we parted company, "please make sure to tell the operator exactly what you need."
Afterwards, of course, I had to go to BezeqStore again to return the modem I took yesterday.

Epilogue

K took all this very nicely, I must say. She slept during the whole affair.

5 תגובות בנושא “ADSL F

  1. that's "B Bezeq, till we meet (again)". Didn't you know? They're not called Bezeq anymore. No siree. Now they're B Bezeq (or Be Bezeq, or Bee Bezeq, whatever).
    Amazingly atrocious, isn't it? Would be like the german telephony company calling itself "Tet Telefunken", or whatever…

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