Today I had the annual Pride Parade going on in my street, right under my window. It's usually nice to have, except maybe for some poor musical choices on the organizers' part. And, alas, except for the presence of our police.
At about one o'clock I went down with my big bag of equipment, in order to arrive at a dance group rehearsal in Netania. I went out of the main entrance of the building, reached my motorbike is always parked nearby – about five meters away from it, that is – and saw near it the remains of a bybicle-lock which someone thoughtfully put the saw to. Thinking that this might be my own lock and that my bycicle might've been stolen, I immediately re-entered my building, using my key for the main entrance door, and saw that my bycicle are, for the moment, safe.
However, the relief which came upon that discovery didn't last long, as I was followed inside by one of our noble members of the military law enforcement arm.
"What are you doing entering this building?" said the brave law enforcer, who wore an IDF uniform and an M16 rifle, and was maybe 19.
"I live here," I said.
"Can I see some ID?"
"No you can't."
"No you can't. This is where I live, and I will not be interrogated by you or by anyone else," I said. "You might also have noticed that I opened this door using a key – my own key, for my own building. Go away."
"But I'm only trying to do my job!" he said, sounding somewhat offended.
"Well, go and do it somewhere else."
"Well, can I please look into your bag?"
I'm proud to say that I didn't even blink when confronted with this display of stupidity, and replied very quikly in kind –
"If you don't go away, next thing you see is my genitals."
"Come, give us a kiss!" I said sweetly and came upon him like an evil one hundred kilos of flesh with dangerous intentions, "Kiss, kiss kiss!"
And this was the last I saw of him.
Who said a conservative set of mind has no uses?