ניר יניב

Children, don't try this at home. Or anywhere else.

1. On the phone

Interviewer: "So now that you know everything about the company, what do you say?"
Candidate: "You're too far away."
Interviewer (amazed): "But didn't you… I mean, the company… I mean, weren't you impressed by…"
Candidate: "It's thirty kilometers on my motorbike's speedometer. Too far."
I: "But our projects… our technology…"
C: "I don't care."
I: "So… so you won't come to work for us?"
C: "Sure I'll come. For 30,000 NIS a month."
Silence.
I: "Eh… ah…"
C: "Yes?"
I: "We can't offer that kinda money… we're… we don't work here only for the money. You see, our company…"
C: "Well, rest assured that I work only for the money."

2. In person

Interviewer: "This is the relaxed period of the year – our team members don't go abroad more than two, maybe three times a month."
Candidate: "Goodbye!"

3. On the phone

Interviewer: "Look, 30,000 NIS is an awful lot!"
Candidate: "Look, driving thirty kilometers to work every morning is an awful lot!"
Interviewer: "Is there nnothing we can do to persuade you?"
Candidate: "Sure you can. Move you offices to Tel Aviv."

4. In person

Interviewer: "Are you a CORBA expert?"
Candidate: "Let me save you some time – I'm a programmer. I know how to create computer programs. However, I'm not an expert of anything under the sun. Whatever initials you throw at me, I'll throw right back at you."
I: "So are you a CORBA expert?"
C: "Are YOU a CORBA expert?"
I: "Yes!"
C: "So why do you need ME?"

5. On the phone

Interviewer: "Are you sure about this?"
Candidate: "No, but it sounded nice."

6. In person

Interviewer: "Why were you fired by your last employer?"
Candidate: "The company fired fifteen percent of the employees, including myself. I assume that it's in some kinda trouble."
I: "But why did they fire YOU in particular?"
C: "I have no idea. Why not call them and ask?"
I: "Can't you venture a guess?"
C: "Well, it might be the smell."

7. On the phone

Interviwer: "Eh, look… 30,000… eh… can we talk some more about this?"
Candidate: "Sure. You have my number."
Click.