Pride

Today I had the annual Pride Parade going on in my street, right under my window. It's usually nice to have, except maybe for some poor musical choices on the organizers' part. And, alas, except for the presence of our police.
At about one o'clock I went down with my big bag of equipment, in order to arrive at a dance group rehearsal in Netania. I went out of the main entrance of the building, reached my motorbike is always parked nearby – about five meters away from it, that is – and saw near it the remains of a bybicle-lock which someone thoughtfully put the saw to. Thinking that this might be my own lock and that my bycicle might've been stolen, I immediately re-entered my building, using my key for the main entrance door, and saw that my bycicle are, for the moment, safe.
However, the relief which came upon that discovery didn't last long, as I was followed inside by one of our noble members of the military law enforcement arm.
"What are you doing entering this building?" said the brave law enforcer, who wore an IDF uniform and an M16 rifle, and was maybe 19.
"I live here," I said.
"Can I see some ID?"
"No you can't."
"What?!"
"No you can't. This is where I live, and I will not be interrogated by you or by anyone else," I said. "You might also have noticed that I opened this door using a key – my own key, for my own building. Go away."
"But I'm only trying to do my job!" he said, sounding somewhat offended.
"Well, go and do it somewhere else."
"Well, can I please look into your bag?"
I'm proud to say that I didn't even blink when confronted with this display of stupidity, and replied very quikly in kind –
"If you don't go away, next thing you see is my genitals."
"What?!"
"Come, give us a kiss!" I said sweetly and came upon him like an evil one hundred kilos of flesh with dangerous intentions, "Kiss, kiss kiss!"
And this was the last I saw of him.

Who said a conservative set of mind has no uses?

8 תגובות בנושא “Pride

  1. Let's see if I got this straight (no pun intended): you've done your best to antagonize, humiliate and/or repel a member of the law enforcement force, who was actually trying to protect your very own building from burglary/vandalism??? And you did this because…?
    Hmm. Clever. Yes. "Clever" is the word which comes to mind.

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  2. "Protect" my foot – I utterly refuse to have the police in my building unless I called for them. In which case, of course, they never come, or arrive several hours too late, or inform me over the phone that the huge van blocking the building's entrance and half the street will have to stay there because it's got nothing to do with them, but rather with the municipality, or just because the towing track people just went to have some dinner (true story), or that this awful noise at three and a half AM will continue undisturbed because the cops could not locate its source, I swear to god, they failed locating the source of a full-volumed bloody trance party – either they were deaf or the sound waves masked their thought patterns.
    I don't want this "protection" at home. Let them go somewhere else and find some useful job to do.
    Fighting crime comes to mind.
    And no, fighting crime isn't about asking for people to present their ID whenever they leave or enter their own homes. It is, rather, mere butt-covering stupidity.

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  3. Actually, you're mistaken.
    I thought so too, once, but Keren told me a short and educating tale:
    Once K crossed the road in a place with no zebra crossing. A policewoman caught her on the act and demanded some ID.
    "I don't want to show you my ID," said K, who, like me, gets very pissed off when the police pushes its silly nose where it shouldn't, "whatcha gonna do about it?"
    And the policewoman said, "nothing. There's nothing I can do about it."
    And that was the end of it.

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  4. Huh?
    There's a lot a police person (ha!) can do. The said policewoman probably didn't want to do it because she was busy with other stuff, and didn't have the time to arrest Keren for this nonsense for "אי ציות להוראה חוקית" or "הפרעה לשוטר במילוי תפקידו" or somesuch. But as far as I know, she definitely COULD have done it, according to the law.

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  5. עד כמה שידוע לי, לשוטר בהחלט קיימת הזכות לדרוש תעודה מזהה. בזמנו נתנו את הזכות הזאת אפילו למתנדבי "נאמני נקיון" (!) כדי שיוכלו להטיל קנסות על אנשים שתפסו מלכלכים את הרחוב.
    העובדה שלאותו נאמן ניקיון אין שום זכות מעבר לכך, לא לבצע מעצר אזרחי ולא להפעיל כוח, ולכן בפועל אנשים יכולים להתעלם ממנה (ואכן עושים זאת) לא הופכת התנהגות זו לחוקית, כמובן.
    לשוטר יש כלים נוספים, וחוקיים. העובדה שפעם אחת שוטר אמר לה שהוא לא יכול לעשות שום דבר אינה הוכחה (השוטר אולי טועה, אולי התכוון שאינו מתכוון לעשות שום דבר). בוא נאמר שאם היא היתה מפגינה שמאלנית או פלשתינאית שקטה שהיתה מסרבת להזדהות, היה נעשה קצת יותר.
    בכל מקרה, אני לא חושב שנהגת נכון. השוטר היה מטומטם או סתם לחוץ והיסטרי (יותר מדי הומואים בסביבה?), אך מבחינה חוקית כנראה שהיית צריך להזדהות גם מול שוטר אידיוט…

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